Today I am waiting. Yesterday I was waiting. All of this month I’ve been waiting. In fact I have been waiting in March, February, January, December and November too. So by my calculations that’s almost 6 months of waiting. I hate waiting. I want to know NOW. What am I waiting for? An answer. A decision. Something that will more than likely affect and have some significant impact on my future. As I contemplate this waiting, I’m thinking that what I’m actually waiting on really doesn’t make a difference. When we are waiting and what we are waiting for is ALWAYS going to have an impact on our future. The lessons I think I’m learning (and to be honest I’m not sure how well I’m actually learning them), are that when it comes to “waiting on God”, I am not in control. Can I be honest with you? I HATE THAT! I don’t like that I am not in control because, my friends, I REALLY like being in control.
Am I the only one who really loves control? Is there anyone else out there that can give me a witness? An Amen? A “me too”? It’s hard for me to believe I am the only one out there strug- gling with “letting go”. And to be really honest, I like to control everything. I like to control my life, my wife, my kids' lives, the dog, the future (everyone’s), my church, my colleagues at work. . . . Pretty much everything I guess. It’s becoming increasingly clear that perhaps I have a problem. In fact, I think I’ve had this problem most of my life. I’m not really sure how to deal with this issue either. Anything else feels like I’m not being responsible, not caring, not doing enough. Not being in control causes me to be afraid. Yes. I think that’s the real answer. I’m afraid that others will make decisions that will hurt me. They will negatively affect me. I will feel more pain, more anguish, more uncertainty, more stress. I will not know what to do. This will make life harder for me and I think life is already doling out it’s fair share of hardship. It won’t feel fair. I won’t understand. I won’t agree. I’ll feel cheated, robbed, insulted, sad, angry. Of course I’m already experiencing many of these emotions. Hmmmm.
Perhaps this means I’ll have to trust. Trust other people? Trust God? Trust something that’s not me? There’s something here that makes me want to say “what other choice do I have?” but then again I DO have a choice. I’ve been making that choice for a long time. How has that worked out for me so far you ask? The answer—not super great (see paragraph above).
I was praying for the fruit of patience for someone at church yesterday. It struck me while I was praying that patience is spiritual, it’s Godly, it’s righteous. It’s meant to refine me, purify me and rid me of selfishness. It’s also a choice. Sometimes waiting is filled with anticipation and eagerness like for Christmas morning. Sometimes it’s filled with dread like waiting to hear back from that cancer testing you just underwent. I’d really like to get this thing down. I’m afraid it’s going to take some time. I guess I need to be patient.
I’m excited to share that last week I heard from my Vancouver leader Randy Parizeau who is scheduling to come out here to Thunder Bay for a visit in June. Karen and I are pleased to be hosting him for a time to connect and share about what God has been up to in our lives and in the lives of our friends and ministry partners in Vancouver. For the last six years since our move to Thunder Bay, I’ve had the privilege of travelling to Vancouver at least once a year or so to re- engage with the Vancouver community and also to visit our home sending church North Shore Alliance. To have Randy be able to come this way will be a great delight for us and for a few others here in Thunder Bay whom Randy has had relationship with for over 20 years. Can’t wait to see you bud!
Most of the Davenport’s returned last month from a long awaited unofficial end to Thunder Bay winter by traveling to Florida! Unfortunately, Alexandra needed to stay behind to attend her University but Mom, Dad, Jake and Simeon had a magnificent time seeing some sites AND getting to reunite with Mark’s brother Steve and their family.
It’s finally starting to warm up here in Thunder Bay. The snow is almost gone and there’s occasionally a warm breeze blowing. That usually means we are in for at least a couple more surprise spring snow storms. Nevertheless, when you live here, you try to stay positive.
Hope your Easter was well.
Blessings on you all,
Mark, Karen, Alexandra, Jacob and Simeon